I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
