Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
