too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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