Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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