So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Holy sore nipples Batman
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
