I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize