kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize