Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Operation Purity has been aborted
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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