Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
