this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
