you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
