Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
