The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
