Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Randomize