Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
