If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
