im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
