Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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