I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
