U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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