i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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