I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
