i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
