i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
