positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i now understand why vodka
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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