another moral hangover. fuck.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
