So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
