just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
