i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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