Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
