I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize