She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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