Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
