So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
