Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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