i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
