What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
