My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You're like the curious george of whores
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
