that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
