i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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