Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
