Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
