My Higher Power is John Stamos
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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