Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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