i don't plan on having that self control this summer
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
