and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
