I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
