the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
