i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
jump out the window naked night went bad
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
