So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
