omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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