I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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