fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
