i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
