Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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