I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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