I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
