I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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