I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize