I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
