note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
