And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
