Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
