morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
