I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
