Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
