I should be sponsored by Trojan
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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