I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
