it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
