Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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