I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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